“We’re not gonna be able to be really with people if we are not able to be real about where we really are and say ‘we just really need you, Jesus'”
– Bob Goff.
Once upon a time, in a church in Denmark I was sitting in the choir. I had committed to singing that specific Sunday morning. I don’t remember why. But I had one of those moments where I just felt life sucked. I remember sitting almost up under the roof where the organ was, listening to the priest, having a moment with God just saying to myself “Ok. This sucks. So, I don’t believe in you anymore.” I don’t remember what the priest said. But I do remember having this clear feeling just moments after, that “huh, God. You just really love me. ” And my few moments as a non-believer passed.
It was almost as if God whispered to me, “but Kat, I just love you. ” And that was all I needed. In that moment.
I have never hidden to any of my friends – believers or not – that I don’t always agree with God. Actually, one time, at a wedding, I shared in a private moment with the bride, that God and I were fighting. We had a disagreement as to where I was supposed to be in life by now. She shared with me that she’d always wondered, why I kept holding on to my faith, when it seemed to be so hard sometimes and go against what I wanted. And I remember answering;
“because I know God’s the one being right in the end. I just need time to get there”.
The thing about faith is that people are watching you. Not just when things are going well.
It is so easy to point to God and tell your friends about all the things that are happening when things are going well. Just as easy as it is for people in a relationship to tell singles to “not waste time not enjoying singleness. Because once you get in a relationship…”
Now, don’t get me wrong. I do believe God can use every sphere his children are in, in his mission to bring people back to him.
But, I’ve learned that my faith tend to be the one thing people can’t stop noticing, when everything in my life just sucks, and I am still on my knees, praising God.
I may not remember a moment in life without God. I don’t have a crazy “coming to faith”-story or a story about how God’s healing during baptism.
God has been a constant companion throughout my life, as long as I can remember. What I believed and did back then may not necessarily be what I believe and do today. And, I’m not perfect. I am a sinner too. I may not have always been faithful to the road he is leading me towards, but I’ve always been loyal to it.
The thing just is, that there is just as much power in the story of a lifelong journey with God walking the road he’s leading me towards as any other faith-story. Because people notice.
A friend told me, that it was people like me, who kept holding on throughout their entire lives that led her to believe and trust, that, that “God-thing” might actually be true.
So. Don’t ever doubt that God isn’t using you. You may not notice. Sometimes it isn’t when you are pointing towards him, but when you are living your life trying to pass whatever bump your facing on the road of life. It may not always be the masks you let people see in public that makes people wonder. But it may be when you let the mask drop that they notice that you act what you preach.
In the end, we do not have to do anything but getting out of the way. God is in control. No matter what, walking with Jesus, people will notice. And I pray that, my actions will point them to him and be a light in their darkness, making them wonder.