1. Januar betyder som regel en ny begyndelse for mange. Den perfekte dag til for alvor at begynde et nyt liv. For så har man haft den sidste del af 2017 til at mæske sig og fordybe sig i dumme vaner, inden man for alvor tager fat om problemet. Det er egentlig skørt, hvordan en ny dag, i et nyt år kan føles som starten på et nyt liv. Min personlige erfaring er, at det ikke hjælper at skubbe det at gøre bugt med dårlige, dumme vaner ud i fremtiden og lade sig drukne i, hvad det nu er, man har brug for at komme overens med. At gøre bugt med noget i ens liv, for at skabe et nyt liv, har for mig været en proces. En proces der konstant har haft brug for bevågenhed, for blot et split sekund at vende blikket i en anden retning, er som når man misser det øjeblik hvor viseren i uret endelig rykker sig. Total ligegyldigt øjeblik, men irriterende at have misset når man inden i sætter sig for at se det.

Selv har jeg været slem til at skubbe tingene frem i fremtiden, for så at åbne portene til mit hjerte og sind og lade alt det jeg helst skal beskytte det fra komme stormene som en ukontrollerbar flod. Følelsen af at drukne mit hjertes hjerte og mit indre sind, får mit bryst til at strammes. Der må gøres noget. Ikke fordi kalenderen viser 1. januar 2018, men fordi jeg dræber mig selv og den Gud har skabt mig til at være, til fordel for vaner og tanker der ikke er med til at skabe liv i mig eller gøre mig stærk og trives i livet.

Så hvad betyder 2018 for mig?

1. At have Gud med i alt.

2.. At finde ud af, hvad det er Gud har skabt mig til, hvad jeg trives med.

3. At omfavne og acceptere den situation jeg står i, for så at blive klar til de ting Gud har planlagt foran mig.

Share

It’s not that I didn’t have the opportunities to celebrate this day, today with friends. But I honestly had something else in mind, and after getting over the fear for my social life realising I kind of had to do it alone, it grew on me and I started to look forward to it.

New Years parties have never ever been my thing. Actually big parties with a bunch of people I don’t really know have never really been something I enjoyed. On that point I have accepted my introverted tendencies, and learned to accept that I am not like “the cool kids” who seemed to become friends with new people every weekend. Give me a small intimate gathering any day and I will be happy and content. I don’t need the big bang party and those who know me, knows that I don’t need a lot of people surrounding me to have fun and act crazy. Actually, the guarantee for me acting out depends on how many people I am surrounded by and how much I trust them. The less, the crazier.

All I want to do tonight is just to watch the craziness of the fireworks fired off midnight on the square in front of Copenhagen City Hall. So, I have in some ways actually cancelled new years this year. I do have plans to make a delicious dinner. I am meeting up with some people to see the guard change New Years eve before the Queens speech tonight. But that’s it. And after biking home from the centre of Copenhagen after midnight I plan to watch those concerts going on around midnight and prepare for my New Years goals and the fact that I very soon turn 30. An age I have found to be more life-changing than I initially thought it would be. Life changing in the sense that I feel old and that created a smaller life-crisis in me. I guess, I need the quiet and calm before the storm of my 30s and the consequences of the choices I have made throughout life becomes real to me. Because the choices I have made had me end right here, where I am today. I guess the storm that has been going on inside of me and the sudden insecurity of turning adult have made it so, that I need this. No expectations. No nothing. Just hygge.

Honestly, I’d much rather meet up and hang out with my friends without the expectations of how things are supposed to be. In the end, I guess I always found the expectations destroying the “hygge” – because the party is always greener on the other side, as one might say.

Thus, I have cancelled New Years eve cellebrations, and I am looking forward to this like a little child that impatiently are waiting for Christmas.

I hope you all will have a perfect New Years.

Share