My sixth sense made me aware, that I had done something wrong. Something I was not supposed to have done. But still. Dead silence. No one said anything. No one explained the confusion or the weird looks being exchanged. No one made a gesture to suggest another solution. I couldn’t as I did not know what was going on. I had to philosophies and analyse into a reason for the whole situation, from the looks exchanged during the event and the quite whispers being frantically exchanged afterwards.
As a kid I grew up with a father that had a mantra. Actually, he had several: “Always go bankrupted in first class”. Or “Just do it. It takes 2 minutes” (about the dishes). But in this case I remember him telling me one thing: “Kat. I don’t know and cannot ever come to know what is going on or what you are thinking unless you tell me.” And that is how, despite growing up in a home where the household mostly consistent of women, we had a male-like tendency in my family to just say things as they were. My father knew when I had my period, because I was, and still is, strangely weird during those times. Or, whenever I was sad. Lonely. Angry. In love. Whatever feeling I struggled with, my father knew.
We women have a weird tendency to just leave things unspoken in some kind of false idea that it might hurt someone to say it out loud. And, while this huge pink elefant just keeps flying around in the room for everyone to notice, even the one’s we’re trying not to hurt, all this tension could’ve been avoided by just saying things straight up and being honest.
And while invisible elefants were blown up to the size of Mount Everest in the minds of everyone affected, one could’ve chosen to just say things as they were and be adult about it. I am strong and independent enough to take it. But I know it is not meant like that. We sometimes tend to deal with things in a certain way in order to ensure less people are being hurt. And in some situations, I believe it is the right thing to do. From personal experience, I sometimes need the time to think for a moment and force myself to either admit I have a problem with something, or it is entirely in my head. Sometimes, all I personally need peace in order to come to grips with all the thoughts and feelings that sometimes overwhelms me. And that’s ok. Not everything needs to be said in the moment it happens. But in most situations, the best you can do is just say whatever is going on – because one might get surprised about how little it might matter anyway.
“A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity”, Dalai Lama.