It seems, I am confronted with the end of life quite a lot at the moment. After the experience of my father’s passing, death has become so much more real to me. It is a part of my life now. Not just in the pain of loosing my father. Actually, I think I might have written about him more than once on this blog. Recently in, “When Family Becomes So Much More Than Blood”.
I see death much more after experiencing the pain myself. It always makes me think, how I don’t believe God created us as human beings meant to live only this one life. I believe fully that God created us for eternity, and the inconvenience and the uncomfortable feeling it gives me. Death and the feelings surrounding it always makes me confirm this very statement in my own worldview. It always makes me think about how I don’t envy those that do not believe in an afterlife and in God. This might seem weird to you, but it is the reality for me.
A recent visit to my Grandparents in Jutland, Denmark, made me think about it again. That ambivalente feeling of hoping for the best for them. Hoping and praying for healing. Confirming that I believe I am to see them again when death do catch up on them. To some such a conversation seems morbid. Life should be enjoyed now, we should think about death the moment it comes – if possible not at all. But for me, when I see life running out in the eyes of the people I love, I need to talk about it. I need to pray about the feeling of wanting to hold on to everyone around me. The feeling of slowly being left alone in this big world. The feeling of wanting to put my fingers in my ears, close my eyes, and hum loudly to myself, in order to avoid the scene in front of me, because it is just too painfull. In this case, I cannot avoid the fact that time is running fast. And for some, time is running out. Not just for all the celebrities that in 2016 lost their lives. Or for all the poor people in the world that is loosing their lives because of conflicts, war, and terror. Also for common people I know and love. For once I cannot solve and go through this feeling I have in my gut without confronting it. Accepting it. That prayer I pray in the dark of night when I wake up suddenly. “Please God, watch over the people I love! Oh, and by the way, please watch over my teeth as well” (The last bid may seem a bit odd, but that is actually what I pray when I wake up suddenly at night. For the Grandparents and my very expensive teeth-implants… Not that these two things are in any way comparable, but I honestly do not want to go through surgery again).
I think death is something we need to face. I think it is something we need to talk about. And I believe that, saying “I love you” to each other should be said and acted upon sooner rather than later. Because one day it is too late. One day time has run out, and you might stand back forever thinking, “I hope he/she knew I loved him/her”.