At the end of a day, my mouth would have its own mind and literally send signals to my brain on how bored it was. Why no candy? Why not that icecream from the freezer? OH OH OH, Look at that lemon-marengue pie? But a couple of days ago it basically said, Kat, you simply cannot watch more TV without one of those crusty rolls you bought for the weekend. It is simply not possible.

And you know, like training a dog as owners rewards the dog for the desired behaviours, I may have rewarded my mouths desires with all four of them.

It was a surprise to me how big an influence something so seemingly innocent as sugar can have and how dramatic my body can seem to be. After 2-3 days of headaches and 8 days of cake alternatives, I actually made it to the other side of all the drama-tantrums – sick of almonds, despite them being a regular in my household.

Now I have 20 days left and I can feel my body being a-okay (now I’m not talking diabetes wise, because that is another story for another day). I still miss my friday-night candy and I do want that Ben & Jerry’s in my freezer, but I’m not being that dramatic about it anymore. I’m simply okay going without.

Fasting from something is breaking with something that seems to have too much power over you.

I never actually thought I’d get to this point, where I would be okay with not entertaining my mouth with whatever cake was at my disposal. Learning, that it’s okay to be bored, and that it is literally unhealthy to give in to whatever need I have. But also breaking with a potential “comfort” before it got out of control and I had to fight other health-related issues.

I’d rather get a healthy, comfortable relation to the things that can create so much havoc in my life than to look back and wonder why I didn’t deal with this when I could.

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As I was laying in bed trying to wake up, I wondered how to get around this idea or commitment I made the night before. Actually, I’ve tried to find loopholes all morning. How can I at some point in the nearest future eat that Ben and Jerry’s ice cream I have in the freezer? How can I justify buying my loved candy? And then it just dawned on me: I have a problem. Sugar in all forms unhealthy has an unnatural grip on my life. It takes a focus it shouldn’t have and for that reason alone, this is important.

Now, I’m diabetic. Type 1. So sugar will always in some form be a natural remedy to my expected lows. Many believes that I am sick because of sugar, but that’s not how it is – and that is why it is important for me to underline that this journey I’m sharing right now has nothing to do with my blood sugar. Now I expect that this choice I make the next 40 days will have an important impact in this area, but I do not choose not to eat sugar because of it. I believe that with the medicine we have today, a diabetic can live a normal life – and besides it’s all carbs that is an issue, so you can’t really live safe being sugar free – popcorn can make your blood sugar rise just as much as candy can. Maybe not as dramatically, but it will happen.

No, I am making this choice, because I do not want to be that lady who cannot control my need for sugar to function. I want to be able to have Cake-fridays, and then choose healthier options throughout the week. I want a healthy body, because I believe that it can be a journey in a healthier God-life as well. I do not want anything binding me, letting me become someone I am not intended to be.

So this is it. Day 40. In my fasting from sugar. The rule is I can eat fruit, and food with sugar in it (such as honey) but not the good processed sugar, candy, and things with processed sugar such as icecream and cakes.

This is my manifestation. This blog is supposed to keep me responsible. And this is me trying train some strength into this area of my life, where I unfortunately has a wormy-backbone (we say “en rygrad som en regnorm” in Danish).

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